There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
