So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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