glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
