I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
false alarm, still single
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
