did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
