And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
