shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
