at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Randomize
