I think I just saw someone hide a body.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
