Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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