my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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