No stitches, just platelets and will power
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
