as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
