cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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