as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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