I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
