How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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