If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize