I just made out with a guy for $7.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
