I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
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