420 ftw
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
