so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
We are all done wearing pants today
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
