i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
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