just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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