You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
