I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
it's like iHOP with fire
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
