I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
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