i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
