So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
