There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
