I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
