Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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