I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
