dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
