I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
