that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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