Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
