it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
