im six kinds of drunk right now
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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