I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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