My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
