Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
