my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Randomize
