did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize