I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Randomize
