You can't special order awesome
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
