No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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