Can i not drive my cunt home
I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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