At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
