she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
