I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Randomize
