Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
