plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize