god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
love makes seman taste better
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
