Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
