Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Randomize
