Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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