I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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