I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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