I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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