Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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