He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize