I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
