worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
