I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
